What is Self Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when we start off a diet or weight loss program strong but then engage in behavior to sabotage or set back our own efforts. It can be anything from eating unhealthy foods to not working out.  You start off with great intentions and are super motivated. Then after some success, you start to make decisions that would seem to torpedo your weight loss results.

You may not even be aware that you are self-sabotaging yourself. Self-sabotaging is an unconscious way of dealing with stress, anxiety or difficult emotions. We do it all the time without realizing what we are doing to ourselves!   

For a more in-depth discussion of self-sabotage see this article on psychology today.

TIPS TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGING YOUR WEIGHT LOSS GOALS

Determine your Why

Why do you want to lose weight? Your "why" should be personal to you. Really sit down and think about the reasons that YOU want to take off the weight. The more personal and real to you the better. Whatever it is, make sure it's something that will motivate you to stick with your weight loss goals even when things get tough.

For me, I had outgrown my "fat pants." When I felt like ditching my diet, I would remember that feeling of those pants digging into my waist and how uncomfortable they felt. This made me remember why I wanted to lose weight.

Another one of my "whys" was that I wanted to keep up with my family on hikes. We as a family love to hike and we have always gone hiking on Mother's Day and other holidays (it's a fun way to get exercise and spend time together as a family). The breaking point for me was Easter, 2020 when we went on a fairly easy hike, and at the end, we were walking up a small hill. Everyone else was at the top and I was slowly huffing and puffing my way. My husband turned around and asked "Are you okay? Are you going to make it?"

I was so embarrassed that I had gotten so out of shape. Whenever I felt like ditching my diet, the too-small fat pants and the hill were the two things that seriously motivated me to keep going.

I discovered that having "whys" I had actually felt was beneficial because I could recall and imagine what they felt like. When I attempted to concentrate on things like "how great it would feel if I lost all the weight," it didn't work. Because I hadn't truly experienced anything yet, and because it didn't have the same emotional pull as my "whys" did, the motivation wasn't as strong.

Your "why" should be personal to you. Many people make the mistake of making their "why" about someone else. For example, I want to lose weight so my husband or boyfriend will think I look good. While it's definitely nice to have the approval of others, your "why" should be something that motivates you and is truly personal to you.

Studies have shown that you are more likely to stick to your goals if your motivation is personal rather than external. This means that your reasons for wanting to lose weight should come from within, not from someone else.

When our motivation comes from within, we are more likely to stick to our goals despite any setbacks or challenges we may face. This is because we are personally invested in our own success.

So, make sure your "why" is personal to you and really resonates with you. When you have a strong, personal reason for wanting to lose weight, you will be more likely to succeed.

When you're feeling tempted to self-sabotage your weight loss think about your "why." Remind yourself why you want to lose weight and why you're working so hard. This will help you stay on track even when things get tough.

The best way to stop weight loss sabotage is to make a commitment to yourself and stick to it. This means setting realistic goals and sticking to them, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly.

Identify your Triggers

In order to stop self-sabotaging behaviors the first step is to identify your triggers. What are the things that make you want to eat unhealthy foods or not work out? Once you know what your triggers are, you can work on avoiding them or dealing with them head-on.

If you can't resist potato chips, then don't buy potato chips. (This sounds easy unless you have teenagers in your house)

If you find that you are likely to overeat or drink too much in social settings then take a break from going out at least for a couple weeks until you are in a groove with your new habits. This will help you avoid temptation and stay on track.

If you engage in emotional eating then plan ahead for when you know you will be in stressful or upsetting situations.  

Find a Healthy Replacement for Your Trigger Food. If you can't avoid your trigger food, then find a healthy food to replace it. For example, if you love potato chips, then try replacing them with air-popped popcorn or wheat crackers.

When you're feeling tempted to eat unhealthy foods, remind yourself of why you're trying to lose weight. Think about your "why" and how you feel about being overweight.

Find An Accountability Partner

When trying to lose weight, it can be helpful to have someone to help encourage you and keep you accountable. Find someone who is also trying to lose weight and set up weekly check-ins or text each other when you're feeling tempted to self-sabotage.

There are many ways to find an accountability partner. Is there a family member who is also trying to lose weight? Or a coworker? The great thing about a partner that you see all the time is that you can frequently check in with each other. You can also build in exercise together. You and a coworker can catch up and go for walks during your lunch hour.

If no one in your circle is trying to lose weight, you can often find groups on social media such as Facebook. If you are following a certain diet there are often Facebook groups dedicated to that diet. Are you calorie counting? Just search Facebook and you will find groups dedicated to calorie counting. On Weight Watchers? Same thing. These groups are great because there is usually a lot of activity and it's fun to have a large group of people who are on the same path as you.

At the same time, cut out or avoid the toxic people who are bringing you down.  Being around negative people can not only bring you down but it can hinder your own progress as they suck you into drama or steer you off track.    

Reward Yourself for Sticking to Your Goals

It's important to reward yourself for sticking to your goals. This can be something as simple as treating yourself to a new book or taking a relaxing bath after a hard workout.

Make sure your rewards are healthy and don't involve food. When you associate good things with weight loss, you will be more likely to stick to your goals.

Rewards can be on a weekly and monthly basis. Smaller rewards for meeting a weekly goal and a little bigger reward for a monthly goal. The most important thing is that it is not food-related.

Here are some fun non food rewards that will make you feel good about yourself too [no matter what stage of your weight loss you are at]!

When you stop looking at food as a reward it is a great way to stop self-sabotaging with food.  

It's important that your rewards be something other than food.  Sometimes people will reward themselves with a cheat day filled with their favorite foods or treats and this can lead you to go off track and regain weight, or to return to your old habits when you do reach your goal weight.

Don't Be too Hard on Yourself

It's also important not to be too hard on yourself. If you mess up one day, don't let it ruin all your progress. Just get back on track the next day and keep moving forward.

Nobody is perfect. If you fall off the wagon, get back on it!

If you find that self-sabotaging happens over and over again then perhaps there is a deeper problem at hand. See your doctor or therapist to discuss where this self-sabotage may be coming from and how to deal with these underlying issues which could include:

Low self-esteem issues

Negative emotions 

Negative Self Talk

Anxiety

Depression

Stress

If you are struggling with any of these things, please seek professional help. It's important to deal with the root of the problem and not just the symptoms.

Be Patient

Losing weight doesn't happen overnight, and self-sabotage can slow down the process. Be patient and stay focused

Set realistic expectations from the start. Are you expecting to lose 20 pounds in a month? If so, odds are you will be disappointed.

A mistake that people make is setting unrealistic expectations. Then when they aren't losing weight at the rate they expected to (when it was unrealistic to begin with) they just give up on the diet. This is a common reason why people self-sabotage their own weight loss journey. They get discouraged and then give up, which only leads to them gaining back the weight they lost and sometimes more.

Set realistic goals from the start. Aim to lose one or two pounds per week and don't expect to see results overnight. Be patient and stay focused. Remember, weight loss doesn't happen overnight!

Don't Engage in All Or Nothing Behavior

One of the biggest reasons why people self-sabotage their weight loss goals is because they engage in all-or-nothing behavior. If they slip up one day, they give up on the diet altogether. This is not a healthy way to lose weight and it's a sure way to fail.  (For a healthy way to use your Fitbit to lose weight click here.)  .

If you find yourself engaging in all-or-nothing behavior, try to be more mindful of it and make a conscious effort to change your ways. Set small personal goals for yourself and don't beat yourself up if you mess up every once in a while. Just get back on track, eat healthy food the rest of the day, and keep moving forward.

If you had a slice of cake or two glasses of wine, it's probably not going to set you back as much as you believe. Continue on with the rest of your day. When individuals say things like, "I had a piece of cake; I've ruined my diet now I suppose I'll have some ice cream and maybe another slice or two," they are only hurting themselves.

Relax and don't put so much pressure on yourself to "stick with it." Remember, weight loss isn't a race! It's a marathon - not a sprint. You need to learn how to be healthy in the long term vs being compulsive or "perfect" about your diet.

For more on "all or nothing" thinking read my article 8 Smart Tips To Supercharge Your Weight Loss Mindset

Change Problematic Habits

In order to stop sabotaging your weight loss, you need to change problematic habits. This may include things like stop making unhealthy food choices, binge on junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. If you find that you are constantly hindering your weight loss, it's time to take a closer look at your habits and make some changes.

Do you have any bad habits that are contributing to weight gain or hindering weight loss? If so, it's time to address them head-on. Identify the habits that are causing you to remain in a cycle of self-sabotage and make a plan to replace them with healthy habits. This may be difficult at first, but it is definitely possible. Just take it one step at a time and be patient with yourself. You can do it!

It's usually pretty easy to identify your bad habits. Have you ever googled "Can I lose weight while eating fast food?" or "Can I lose weight while drinking alcohol?" If so, then those are probably the things you should try to eliminate.

If you know that you engage in emotional eating then plan ahead.  How are you going to deal with the next stressful or upsetting situation?  Maybe you will go for a walk, call a friend, or take a bath.  Having a plan in mind helps you to avoid mindless eating when a stressful event occurs.  

Don't Compare Yourself To Others

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to self-sabotage your weight loss efforts. When you compare yourself to others, you are automatically putting yourself in a position of disadvantage. You are setting yourself up to feel like you are not good enough, and this can lead to negative thoughts, discouragement, and self-sabotage.

An example of this that frequently occurs is a couple going on a diet at the same time. Men are usually more successful in losing weight quickly. So, the wives feel like they're doing everything right on their diet, but they're not losing weight like their husbands are. Women get frustrated and believe this isn't working any longer, and then make poor dietary errors that lead to weight gain.

It's important to remember that everyone is different. What works for one person may not work for another. So, instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what works best for you. Find what diet and exercise plan works best for you and stick with it. Don't try to mimic someone else's routine, it will only lead to frustration and self-sabotage.

Don't Go Too Hard Too Fast

When it comes to weight loss, it's important to remember that slow and steady wins the race. Attempting to go too hard too fast is a surefire way to self-sabotage your efforts.

If you're someone who has a history of yo-yo dieting, you know all too well how easy it is to self-sabotage. When you try to lose weight too quickly, you're setting yourself up for failure. You're much more likely to binge eat or give up altogether if you're trying to lose weight at an unsustainable rate.

Instead of trying to lose weight as quickly as possible, focus on losing weight slowly and steadily. This will help you maintain your motivation and avoid self-sabotage. When you see results over time, you're more likely to stick with your weight loss goals long-term.

Examples of going too hard or too fast are trying to go on an extreme diet or extreme exercise program. These types of diets and programs are usually not sustainable, and they can often lead to self-sabotage. When you try to do too much too quickly, it's easy to get discouraged and give up altogether.

Instead of following an extreme diet or exercise program, focus on making small changes that you can stick with over time. This will help you avoid self-sabotage and maintain your motivation. When you see results over time, you're more likely to stick with your weight loss goals long-term.

Don't Start Your Diet At A Bad Time

It is important to start a new diet or weight loss at a time in your life when you are most likely to succeed. For example, if you have a lot of stress in your life right now, it's not the best time to start a diet. Wait until things calm down a bit and then start your diet. This will help you avoid self-sabotage.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should start your diet when you have the time to commit to it. If you're busy with work and school, it's not the best time to start a diet. Have a major project coming up at work where you know you are going to be eating out a lot? Probably not a good time to start. Is your social calendar booked for the next month with activities? You probably want to wait until your calendar clears.

This was something I did all the time. One time I remember, I hired a trainer and nutritionist for a month and that same month I had three trips planned! I'm sure it is no surprise that plan was not successful! Not to mention by the third trip, I was so disappointed that I completely self-sabotaged by eating everything in sight!

Wait until you have more free time and then start your diet. This will help you avoid self-sabotage.

Don't Go Off Plan On The Weekend

Are you perfect on your diet Monday through Friday and then go off the rails on the weekend? Many people find that they are able to stick to their diet during the week, but they go off track on the weekends.

People think "Oh it's just two days." But, you can do a lot of damage in two days and actually wipe out your calorie deficit completely. Or, they bring the weekly calorie deficit down to a point where it makes it hard to see progress.

This is a form of sabotage that does a lot of damage and people don't realize it. If you are in a calorie deficit of 500 calories a day for 5 days that leads to a deficit of 2500 calories which is enough to lose a little over a half pound of fat. Then, if you go off plan on the weekends and have no deficit or worse an excess you will see very slow weight loss.

This is what happens to many people. They are only in a calorie deficit during the work week. Then they negate it on the weekend. If you are in a deficit to lose less than a pound a week then it becomes hard to see the progress and can lead people to scrap their diet altogether and start eating to excess again.

- Plan ahead: If you know you're going to be eating out on Saturday night, plan ahead and make healthy choices.

- Bring snacks with you: If you're going to be out all day, bring snacks with you so you don't get tempted to eat unhealthy food.

- Drink plenty of water: Staying hydrated will help keep your cravings under control.

- Avoid drinking alcohol: Drinking alcohol lessens your inhibitions making it more likely you will justify going off track; it also adds a lot of extra empty calories.  

Weigh And Measure Your Food (Track Your Calories)

Weighing and measuring your food is essential to avoiding self-sabotage. When you're able to track your calories, you're less likely to go overboard.  This is because you'll be able to see exactly how many calories you're eating and you'll be less likely to overindulge.

Another way that failing to keep track of calories leads to self-sabotage is that if you are not aware of how many calories you are actually eating, you may think that you are in a calorie deficit when you are actually eating at a maintenance level or worse eating to excess. In this situation, when someone sees the scale not move or worse goes up you may be likely to think this isn't working and start making unhealthy diet choices again.

Another benefit of weighing and measuring your food is that it helps you become more aware of portion sizes. You may think that you're eating a healthy amount of food, but when you actually weigh and measure it, you may realize that you're eating much more than you thought. Weighing and measuring your food can help keep your portions in check.

The only way to lose weight is to maintain a calorie deficit over time, by weighing and measuring your food you ensure that you are taking in less calories than you expend. This will help you lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way.

For a great (and free) way to track your calories online check out Myfitnesspal

For more information about calorie counting read my article Should I Count Calories Or Just Eat Healthy For Weight Loss?

Don't Think Of A Diet As A Lifestyle

Another mistake is that people say this isn't a diet it's a lifestyle. People sometimes use the term "lifestyle change" when they're trying to lose weight. This is a mistake because weight loss should not be forever. A healthy weight should be maintained, not constantly strived for. When you think of weight loss as a lifestyle, it can be easy to get discouraged because you're never really done. You're always trying to maintain this "lifestyle."

- Think of weight loss as a short-term goal: When you have a short-term goal, it's easier to stay motivated because you can see the end in sight.

- Set a deadline: When you have a specific date by which you want to reach your goal, it's easier to stay motivated.

If you have a lot of weight to lose then take a break after a few months. When you take a break don't revert to your old ways but just up your calories a little bit so that you are eating at maintenance level. Then after a few weeks or a month get back on track for another few months.

This allows you to tackle your weight loss journey in smaller bits. It feels attainable because it is for a shorter time and not forever.

With that being said, it is actually helpful to envision yourself living a healthy lifestyle as long as you aren't tying the healthy lifestyle just to weight loss.  When it feels like we are going to be on a diet forever, it's easy to get discouraged. This is why it's important to set short-term goals and deadlines. And when you think of weight loss as a short-term goal, it's easier to stay motivated because you can see the end in sight.

Listen To The Experts

There are many articles and books out there related to overcoming self-sabotage.  One of my favorites is Gay Hendricks.  Gay Hendricks is a renowned psychologist and writer who has made significant contributions to helping people overcome self-sabotaging behaviors. 

His work primarily focuses on identifying and breaking patterns that prevent individuals from achieving their full potential. Hendricks believes that by understanding the underlying reasons for self-sabotage, people can unlock a more fulfilling and successful life. His approach is both simple and compassionate, offering practical steps that are easy to implement yet profoundly transformative. Through his books, workshops, and lectures, Hendricks has guided countless individuals toward a path of self-discovery and personal growth, making his work a beacon of hope for those struggling with self-imposed limitations.

 He has a really great book "The Big Leap" that is an easy read and addresses these issues.  

Also here is a really good interview with Gay Hendricks discussing his book with Susie Moore.  

Talk To A Professional

If you have tried all of these tips and still are self-sabotaging your diet, it might be a great idea to speak to a professional.  They can help you answer the question "Why do I sabotage my weight loss?"  By identifying the root cause of the problem they can help you find solutions that work for you!

Conclusion

Self-sabotaging your weight loss efforts can happen to anyone. But it's important not to resign yourself to self-destructive habits and behaviors because they will only make you feel worse about the situation.

In this article, I've outlined a few ways that you can stop self sabotaging your weight loss by taking control of what goes into your body and how you think about food. These tips may be just what you need in order to start making positive changes for yourself today!

Related:

Here are some other articles related to this topic that you might enjoy:

How To Get Back On Track With Weight Loss

What to do if your husband sabotages your weight loss

Do Diet Bet Websites Work?

Why Am I Gaining Weight in a Calorie Deficit?

Smart Tips To Change Your Weight Loss Mindset